can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
