I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
