His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
