you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
FUCK WHALES
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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