i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
