oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
