So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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