I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
