Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I checked into jail on foursquare
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
