do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
