I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
