hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
