My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well I just put wine in my tea
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
