im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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