I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize