My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
