dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
