My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
