from now on my penis is your penis
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
