I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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