Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
