i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
