My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
