I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
