Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
