i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
