There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
is that a dick in a sweater?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
