Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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