Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
