dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it's like heaven, but drunker
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
