u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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