I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
