I want you more than these girls want KFC
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
