I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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