Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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