Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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