in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
