I must be too annoying 4 u.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Randomize
