Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
