dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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