as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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