I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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