I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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