So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
