when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
