this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
