I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
