Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
