I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
