So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
