C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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