4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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