how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize