I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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