can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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