i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
