I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
