I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize