So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize