another moral hangover. fuck.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
