great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
