even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So vagazzling was a success
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
