Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize