Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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