Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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