Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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