Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
