just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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