My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
