I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
