ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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