My first STD was from a foam party
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
