Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
