Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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