just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
