Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
