Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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