her vagine was all disorganized.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
