Can i not drive my cunt home
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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