dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
