Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize