So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
