her vagine was all disorganized.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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