Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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