I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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