twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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