I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
