So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
