Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
