Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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