You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
