Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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