dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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