I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize