I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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