hotel room ftw
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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