so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
