I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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