At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
