I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
