I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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