she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
