Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
