**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
