my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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